I don't know if I can do it

I can't unsee it. Just a split second. It happened so fast, then it was over. But I can't unsee it.

Practiced, I'm sure. An ingrained habit, built over twenty years. Maybe even meaningless. Maybe you don't even want to do it anymore. Like when she takes my arm on a walk. Maybe. Maybe.

But I still can't unsee it.

Then again, who am I to complain, really? I have no place. No right. I have no claim to you, not of any kind. It truly does not matter how overwhelmingly powerful my desire for you is.

I don't know if I can do it.

I've harbored some thoughts recently, thoughts I'm not proud of, thoughts I never would have dreamed would enter my head two years ago. Thoughts about shortcuts. Workarounds.

I don't know if I can do it.

I've never considered myself a jealous guy. I've never felt like this before. I've never loved like this before, or hurt like this before, never ached liked this before, never, never, never never never…

I don't know if I can do it.

I'm afraid I might love you too much.